I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
