my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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