i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
