i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
