Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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