HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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