I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
