Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
