I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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