Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
whose parrot is this?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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