hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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