Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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