I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
