i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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