That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
