You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
