I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
