Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
