Sponge bath it is.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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