and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
