I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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