We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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