someone owes me an orgasm
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize