remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
why is half of my head shaved?
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