So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
