NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
