Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
