Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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