I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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