return my video game
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
