I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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