then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
