five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
