Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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