if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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