Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
