Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
