So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
