every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
