put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
