Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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