white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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