I think my fart just growled at me.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
