What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
