why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
