There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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