Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
