I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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