I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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