i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
