Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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