I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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