So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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