I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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