He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
