im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
