Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
