i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
