I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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