This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
