I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
