Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
