so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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