started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
